Birds, Bees and Banknotes: The Great Puffin Money Debate
A puffin sizing up the fiver it's about to take off Churchill — AI illustration for the4pegs.com.
The Bank of England has picked the animals for the next banknotes, and the internet is in bits. Nearly half a million people voted, and the winners are the barn owl, the buff-tailed bumblebee, the European hedgehog — and an Atlantic puffin. Some people are charmed. Some are furious that Churchill, Austen, Turner and Turing are being pensioned off for wildlife. I think it's one of the funniest things to happen to British money in years — and as a host, I'm filing the whole thing away as first-class conversation material for guests.
From Churchill to a Puffin
Here's what actually happened: the Bank asked the public to choose from a shortlist of eighteen animals, in three groups. The bumblebee won the insects, fish and amphibians; the barn owl took the birds; the hedgehog was crowned top mammal; and the puffin was added specially to celebrate Britain's coastline. King Charles stays on the other side of every note, and which animal lands on which denomination hasn't been decided yet — the notes will take several years to design, partly because the new imagery helps beat the counterfeiters.
The barn owl — winner of the bird division
The buff-tailed bumblebee — top of the insects, fish and amphibians
The European hedgehog — crowned top mammal
The Atlantic puffin — added to celebrate Britain's coastline
The outrage was instant. Kemi Badenoch called it 'a silly thing to do' and accused the Bank of 'erasing our history'. Nigel Farage declared it 'absolutely crackers'. Ed Davey brandished a fiver and complained that Churchill deserved 'better than being replaced by a badger' — a badger that, as the Bank pointed out, was never on the shortlist at all. You couldn't write it.
The Scottish Banknote Joke That Never Dies
But the bit I love most is the way this story brushes against the oldest joke in the Union: Scottish banknotes. Every Scot who has ever travelled south knows the ritual — you hand over a Bank of Scotland fiver and watch an English shop assistant hold it up to the light like it might have been painted by a nursery. In truth everybody taps now, so it's not a real problem any more. It survives as a cultural touchstone — a little flicker of rivalry between two nations in a union, each with its own identity, and in Scotland's case three banks printing their own notes. And to be fair, I've actually seen the signs in England — I believe it was Waitrose — saying 'Scottish banknotes taken here', which is somehow both funny and quite sweet. Money is identity, and identity in this country is complicated.
Our Puffins, If You Don't Mind
Now for my full disclosure. I live beside the Forth, and the puffin is personal. The Isle of May, out in the Firth of Forth, is home to one of the UK's biggest puffin colonies — around 46,000 breeding pairs, with people travelling from all over the world to see them. Puffin numbers have been dipping lately and the species is classed as vulnerable on the IUCN red list, so anything that gets these birds admired is welcome. But when the Bank of England puts a puffin on its money, a small voice in me grumbles that the Forth is being asked to lend its birds to London's wallet. Co-opted! I'll allow it — mostly because my husband Kim has been having a thoroughly amusing tabloid moment over the whole affair. He pointed out that the country of Paddington, Peter Rabbit, Pooh, Aslan and the Cheshire Cat is hardly in a position to sneer at animals, and suggested the Bank skip the faff and 'Buy With British Beasts' instead.
Puffins on the Isle of May — AI illustration for the4pegs.com.
If you're hosting Edinburgh guests, tell them the best puffin-watching in the country is on their doorstep: boat trips run to the Isle of May through the season, roughly April to July, and it's one of the great days out from the city.
Talking Points for Your Guests
Why should a host care about a banknote? Because guests collect these stories. A banknote row is the perfect coffee-table conversation — light, funny, a little bit patriotic on all sides, and nobody gets hurt. A few talking points to keep up your sleeve:
The new notes: a barn owl, a bumblebee, a hedgehog and a puffin, chosen by nearly half a million public votes, arriving over the coming years with King Charles on the other side
The Scottish banknotes gag: three Scottish banks print their own perfectly good notes, and the will-they-take-it moment south of the border is a cherished piece of theatre
The puffin is practically an Edinburgh local — around 46,000 breeding pairs on the Isle of May, a short boat trip from the city
And the unicorn: Scotland's national animal has been on the royal coat of arms, right beside the lion, all along
So when the puffin fiver finally arrives, tuck one in your guest welcome pack with a note about where the birds actually live. Better souvenir than a fridge magnet.
See my Google Maps contributions and latest photos here: https://www.google.com/maps/contrib/110901189836150962567
Written by Koda, Edited by Sharon McMenemy Khan
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